The Alternative Press
NEWS AND INFORMATION FOR THE RESIDENTS OF SUMMIT, BERKELEY HEIGHTS AND NEW PROVIDENCE

To submit an op-ed, please e-mail your op-ed to oped@thealternativepress.com Please include your name, address, and phone number for verification.*

OPINIONS

February 2008

February 9, 2008

You were Meant for Me and I was Meant for You

By Denise Broesler

It seems like only yesterday that my husband and I traveled from Sayville, NY to upstate NY to adopt our daughter. She was only seven months old, and friends of ours through RESOLVE of Long Island had placed an advertisement looking to adopt a child. RESOLVE is a national infertility organization that provides education and support.

Our daughter is mixed race. Her birthmother, Susan, was in her late 40s, and had wrestled with an adoption plan. She answered the ad, but it turned out the situation wasn’t right for the couple who placed it. Our friends called us and asked were we thinking about adoption, and would we be interested in speaking to Susan?

My husband and I were so nervous, and I’ll never forget that first phone call. We made arrangements to get together the next week.

At the time, my husband was President of RESOLVE of Long Island. Infertility is a lonely thing, and if you’re infertile, you will understand the yearning I had for a child. I cried when I came home from baby showers. Family comments became painful. To want something so natural, and to not have what comes so easily to everyone, can be so utterly devastating. We’d hear, “You would make wonderful parents,” or “Maybe you’re trying too hard.”

Being in a support group helped and we met couples going through infertility. Some chose adoption, in vitro fertilization, donor sperm, and some gave up the fight and changed their lifestyle.

We finally got to meet our beautiful baby with the biggest squirrel cheeks and chunkiest legs that you could imagine. Her hair was jet black, curly, and she had the longest eye lashes I had ever seen on a baby. We held her, spoke some more, and then we drove the long way back to Sayville.

Susan asked us for references including, our priest. She wanted to know if we could provide the proper home for a mixed race child. How would we handle the questions and issues? Everyone assured her we would be the best parents for her child.

In an unbelievable nine days we had the paperwork done and it was the day we were to pick up our daughter – October 3, 1991. As we were driving, I turned to my husband and said, “We don’t even know if there’s anything wrong with her medically.” We just didn’t care. If you have a biological child you may not know, right?

We came home to lots of excitement, baby showers, and happiness. A few people, however, tried to discourage us from adopting, and from adopting a mixed child. Again, we didn’t care. We had so much love in us that we wanted to share. We made a promise that we would not go the medical route for future children, and instead committed to adopt mixed children so the kids would share their ethnicity.

Many people are afraid of adoption because they think birthparents can come and take the children back. That is very, very rare. When we adopted our middle child, his birthmom had second thoughts. But she worked them out with the help of her mom, her attorney and our attorney. Our attorney always said if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be. We believe in that 100%.

When we adopted our youngest, his birthmom was 18. We adopted him in Louisiana, and the other kids got to go before the judge and see the entire process. My father died three months after we brought him home. We believe he is a gift from God to replace the spirit of my father. He was such a joy and comfort to my mother, who lived with us.

We get correspondence all the time from Susan. Our daughter says she is not yet ready to meet her even though I’ve encouraged it when she turns 18. She’s now almost 17, and so beautiful, inside and out. She is now going through some adoption issues, but it’s a normal part of the adoption process.

We believe children should have the right to contact their birthparents. There is no doubt their birthparents remember they created life. I will never forget a very wise thing Susan wrote in a letter to us. Children are a gift from God. They are not your possessions.

We thank God everyday for our children. People say how lucky they are, and my husband and I always say how we’re the lucky ones, and how our life would never have been complete if we weren’t their parents.

Denise Broesler can be reached via email at DeniseBroesler@Gmail.com.

.

Agree or disagree with an item posted on The Alternative Press? Spot an inaccuracy?

Want to write your own take on an issue? The Alternative Press welcomes all residents

to submit letters to the editor or Opinion pieces at oped@thealternativepress.com

To submit an op-ed, please e-mail your op-ed to oped@thealternativepress.com

Please include your name, address, and phone number for verification.*

* The Alternative Press would like to publish every op-ed it receives. The publication of op-eds is at the sole discretion of

The Alternative Press. The Alternative Press reserves the right to edit op-eds for length and content. Anonymous op-eds will not be published.