The Alternative Press

I was scheduled for an induction on January 27^th but my baby girl had other plans.  I went into labor at 10pm and Savanna Davis Bronsnick arrived in the world at 6:09am 1/26/12.  I will spare you the labor story but I will tell you that I had an amazing doctor (Dr. Daniel Sansobrino) who put me and my anxious husband at ease.  I am also grateful for all the nurses at Saint Barnabas who did a wonderful job of taking care of me and little Savanna.  Thankfully, we were able to go home after one day because as much as I appreciate the great care I was missing my daughter Madyson… and then the fun began.

Home: day one…

Mady:  “Can I hold her?  Can I hold her?”  “Look at her little fingers” (squeeze)… “Mommy why is my sister crying?” ”I wanna hold her!!” (whiny tone of 3 year old)

Mommy:  “Mady gentle”…”gentle Mady”… “Savanna is very fragile..so you have to be very gentle.  She is just not as strong as you are.”  “Mady you can’t touch your sister if you can’t be gentle.” (patient and sweet Mom voice then trying not to scream)

Daddy: “Come on Mady let’s go play, your sister is too little and you’re too strong”  (calm Dad voice trying to give mommy a break)

Savanna:  Eat…sleep…diaper…sleep…eat..diaper

This was pretty much the tone of the first day home.  Mady wanting to ‘help’ and ‘hold’ her little sister, starting out being gentle then giving her a rough squeeze.  She is so excited to be the big sister and does really love her, but she is also only 3 and behaving like a typical toddler. 

The realization hits.  I have two children and it my responsibility to be mindful of all of our family member’s needs.  Savanna’s need for security and trusting relationships.   Madyson’s need to make her own choices and for special time with mommy & daddy.  My need for sleep, mental & physical restoration and time with my husband.  I had thought that I knew all about staying balanced.   I now have found that with a dog, 2 kids, a husband, and a career being balanced in life I fear will elude me until 2016 and beyond.

1 week later…

I haven’t slept for more than 2 hours at a time and find that I am only capable of basic conversation and simple minded thoughts that relate to infant and childcare.  That said, Savanna is worth every simple minded moment and I am trying to stay present for each of them.  Since she is my second child I think that I can appreciate so much more how quickly this time is going to pass.  When I look at my 3 year old I can’t believe where the time went and I don’t want to rush any moment with either of them…..even sleepless nights and mindless days.  How often do we get to just be with our children?

Mady continues to respond in much the same way with her sister.  Wanting to be near her in one breath then poking her in the eye (on accident of course) the next.  What has changed is my fear around her doing permanent damage.  This is a result of a talk I had with their pediatrician in which he told me that babies are tougher then we think and he had not yet heard of a sibling loving a baby to a point of injury. Sigh of relief for that!

3 weeks in….

Well I can’t tell you that I have woken up from my sleep deprived haze or that I have been able to figure out how to have two children with both of their needs getting met 100% of the time.  What I can report is that I have been able to accomplish getting my 3 year old to school on time with her little sister in tow and figuring out how to fit a week’s worth of groceries into a shopping cart with a car seat taking up the space in the largest section.

Clearly I have been able to adjust my expectations of myself and what I need to accomplish.  Now just getting out of the house is a triumph for me.  A few other bright notes….I have gotten less paranoid over Mady spreading germs to the baby and have been able to reduce the number of times I have to say, “gentle please”.  Savanna also has gotten the hang of nursing and is turning out to be a good little sleeper….at least during the day.  

And beyond…

“I commit to taking this journey one day at a time and to manage my expectations for myself, my husband and my children.  I recognize that my life as I knew it is over and once again I have the opportunity for growth and adventure.  It will not be perfect and some days I will want to tear my hair out but I am grateful for every blessing in my life.”  This is what I try to tell myself each morning. 

 If you feel that you are finding yourself wanting something in your life to be different you might want to set a daily intention that allows you to stay in the moment.  We suffer because we want things to be different then they are.  We want our kids to sleep through the night, we want to have time to ourselves, and we want the house to be clean - things that don’t often happen once you add children to your family.  I am not saying that we can’t strive to make changes or improvements in these areas but when we can accept in the present what is happening we tend to suffer less for that moment.  When I can accept that this sleep deprived time is just a passing phase and that soon I will be wishing for these moments together I immediately feel better.  Try to experiment with this mindset and see if you notice any changes in how you are feeling about your life.

 

 

Jennifer Bronsnick is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Holistic Health Coach.  She has her Master’s Degree from New York University School of Social Work and Health Coach Certification from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition.    She is also the mother of a two beautiful little girls.

Jennifer has a private practice in where she specializes in helping teenagers and women struggling with anxiety, depression, and general stress & health issues. 

She is the founder of Mindful Mommy, a website where mothers can get support from professionals and connect with one another.   The mission of Mindful Mommy is to support mothers across the globe to lead happy, healthy, and fun-filled lives by offering a space for self-exploration, education, and meaningful connections with other mom's.

 For more information about Jennifer visit www.JenniferBronsnick.com or www.MindfulMommy.com.  You can send questions and comments to Jennifer@MindfulMommy.com.