Somewhere Over the Rainbow-Stuffed Oreo
Monday, July 2, 2012 • 8:18am
What’s rainbow colored and takes a licking? Oreo’s rainbow-stuffed cookie.
Kraft posted a gay pride rainbow-colored Oreo on the cookie’s Facebook page with the caption “Proudly support love!” which sparked a frenzy of “likes”—hundreds of thousands worth. It also elicited tens of thousands of comments.
Many comments were positive, the likes of, “Go Oreo! Don’t listen to the haters!” Others prompted boycotts—“I’ll never buy Oreo again.”
As controversial as the campaign is, the rainbow cookie can’t actually take a licking because it’s not real. The image is part of a marketing campaign reflecting current events, in honor of LGBT Pride month, celebrated in June.
But behold, Oreo lovers, there’s still hope if you’re in the market for something new and tantalizing. If, that is, you can answer this question . . .
What’s black and white and takes a licking? Hint: It’s not the New York Times’ print circulation.
Give up? It’s the newest version of the Oreo that came out last August: three layers of cookie, with one layer of the Oreo’s classic white cream filling and another made of chocolate cream, making it a Triple Double Oreo (“TDO”), or as known by its street name, the Triple Double Oreogasm.
Nabisco has experimented in the past with lots of other Oreo variations and has reinvented itself more times than Lady Gaga. There’s Mini, Double Stuf, and Cool Mint to name a few. But never before has the Oreo seen the likes of the multi-decker. The idea was probably inspired by the recent trend in multiples, as in Taco Bell’s Triple Steak Burrito or Burger King’s BK Triple Stacker.
The fact that the TDO is made with hydrogenated oil instead of pork fat means it’s equally kosher for Jews and vegetarians. But the absence of lard per se doesn’t make it healthy. With the amount of trans fat and sugar it contains (and don’t be fooled like I was into thinking the cookie is healthy just because it’s made with “enriched” flour) it will either give you a triple double orgasm or a triple double bypass.
I haven’t yet tried the TDO. I fear that if it’s anything like its Oreo forerunner, it will be more addictive than Methamphetamine or as it’s known on the street, Mallomars. Hence the warning label on the package: “Do not inject directly into the bloodstream.”
Besides fighting addiction, the other challenge to consumers will be deciding how to eat the TDO. For many, eating Oreos is an art. Some of us twist apart the cookies, scrape the cream with our front teeth, and dunk the cookie halves in milk. Others prefer to devour them whole, in the corner of a dark closet.
But one thing is certain. No matter how you experience your Oreogasm, you’ll likely pack some “Double Stuf” around your middle. And while you consume the cookies your teeth will become so black you’ll look like you took a face plant in a gravel parking lot. Sometimes we have to sacrifice vanity for ecstasy. It’s the price you pay for a good licking.
When Jersey Girl Lisa Tognola traded her job as freelance writer for that of full-time mother of three children, it didn’t take long before her writing was reduced to grocery lists, notes to school nurses excusing her kids from gym class, and e-mails to her husband reminding him to call his mother. Daily life as a suburban mom was fraught with challenges and unexpected dangers like adult dinner groups, town hall meetings and home shopping parties. Rather than fight her fate, this mom embraced it by unleashing her inner columnist. Her weekly column, Main Street Musings, reflects on life in the suburbs---the good, the bad, and the ugly. Visit her blog http://mainstreetmusingsblog.com/. Follow her on twitter @lisatognola