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Dad in the Box

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  • Small_thumb_8365b2aa258cb2278167_slow-husband

    Grooms Head Revisited
    by John Christmann
    April 23, 2014

    I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife . . . My wedding anniversary is coming up. I am not sure what to give my wife.  I a...

  • Small_thumb_82ba7f4cda3121fd130b_mad-shaver

    Survival of the Trimmest
    by John Christmann
    April 1, 2014

    My younger son experienced his first shave the other day.  He is fourteen and starting to show faint shading above his lip. ...

  • Small_thumb_009ea0b774053da2e0e4_digital-afterlife

    My Digital Demise
    by John Christmann
    March 13, 2014

    According to the news, which I can’t seem to escape, I have no privacy. Information is being gathered about me, legally and ...

  • Small_thumb_431c1b6b75607441bf80_embarrassed-oscar

    Sleeping With Oscar
    by John Christmann
    February 28, 2014

    SCENE I.  From a television set in New Jersey an image of a golden statue rotates slowly on a pedestal while a honey-throated ann...

  • Small_thumb_be0270b1b1bdf5629c53_halfpipe-gold

    Smoking the Half Pipe
    by John Christmann
    February 12, 2014

    Have you ever wondered what it would be like to plunge into an Olympic halfpipe on a snowboard?  Have you ever wondered what it w...

  • Small_thumb_7a5d9f5b82520a9e83bc_super-fans

    On The Fence
    by John Christmann
    January 30, 2014

    Living in New Jersey, I don’t know who to root for on Super Bowl Sunday: the Denver Broncos, the Seattle Seahawks, or the weathe...

  • Small_thumb_3c849b6a87ce603dfce4_shoveling-snow

    Your Father's Snow Day
    by John Christmann
    January 24, 2014

    5:30 AM.  Annoying alarm.  Warm bed.  Hit snooze. 5:40 AM.  Annoying alarm.  Warm bed. Hit snooze. 5:...

  • Small_thumb_359f59c96a18ef62b42c_solo-fridge

    The Cold Hard Facts
    by John Christmann
    January 8, 2014

    Silly me.  I always thought the Polar Vortex was something husbands step into when they forget their wedding anniversaries. I...

  • Small_thumb_32b866784481efbacaca_xmas-parking

    The Long Way Home
    by John Christmann
    December 24, 2013

      ‘Twas a week before Christmas, when all through the house not a creature was stirring . . . not even my teenage s...

  • Small_thumb_78fbef907589ad0257ff_why-you

    Applying Yourself
    by John Christmann
    December 11, 2013

    Like many high school seniors across the country, my older son is anxiously sweating out essay questions as part of the college applic...

  • Small_thumb_b4dfd3b5d07b60a6abc4_thanksgiving-football

    Giving Thanks to Football
    by John Christmann
    November 27, 2013

    Thanksgiving is a holiday rich in tradition.  For many families it is a day when relatives gather at linen covered tables laden w...

  • Small_thumb_25ac9106746583aeadfa_slow-fast

    Slow and Steady
    by John Christmann
    November 8, 2013

    This fall my younger son took up cross country distance running as a sport in middle school.  I found this particularly odd becau...

  • Small_thumb_6acaafce90ec7fcec924_girl-heels

    The Height of Fashion
    by John Christmann
    October 24, 2013

    They say when you fall off your horse you should pick yourself up and get right back on.  I am not sure the same advice should be...

  • Small_thumb_2aa887d34488023a1345_clean-house

    The Keeper Of The House
    by John Christmann
    October 11, 2013

    Non-essential functions have ceased . . . confidence is rapidly eroding . . .  the house is in turmoil . . . Forget the gover...

  • Small_thumb_bc2ee61d604ce559fa37_retired-swings

    That Old Swing Set
    by John Christmann
    September 19, 2013

    Ten years ago I wrote an article on backyward swing sets.  It is clear that even then I was hard pressed for things to write abou...

  • Small_thumb_d434f919ba86be2b5a2a_busy-wimpy

    Driving Home The Point
    by John Christmann
    September 6, 2013

    The joy of going back to school lasts exactly one day. After that the schedules kick in. And now that my kids are older, it se...

  • Small_thumb_214057b1c5dacfc6776f_hand-gun

    A Band of Brothers
    by John Christmann
    August 22, 2013

    Nobody move or the old man dies. My son is holding a finger to my head.  Sandwiched between his forefinger and my temple is a...

  • Small_thumb_b5621ff84a841d051df8_campus-tour

    Walking Backwards
    by John Christmann
    July 30, 2013

    Our campus tour guide puts his best foot forward behind him.  Apparently, walking backward is a prerequisite for student-led tour...

  • Small_thumb_e4a135309b9b4ea66757_spy-guy

    Lack Of Intelligence
    by John Christmann
    June 27, 2013

    Dear NSA, There is a cell of three teenagers living in my house.  I am not positive, but I think this automatically qualifies...

  • Small_thumb_ec9610e93dfe5e0d91ae_escher-screen

    On The Level
    by John Christmann
    June 7, 2013

    . . . just as soon as I finish this level . . . This is how my thirteen-year old son responds whenever I call him to dinner. ...

  • Small_thumb_b740140c0afc95b31baa_cicada-itch

    The Seventeen-Year Itch
    by John Christmann
    May 21, 2013

    The nasty bugs were everywhere; an undulating mass of tiny brown nymphs inching up trees and telephone poles and doorways and traffic ...

  • Small_thumb_21728db4cc4764baae53_hearing-aid

    Hearing Is Believing
    by John Christmann
    May 2, 2013

    I hear lots of interesting things from the back seat of the car.   For example, it was in the car that I learned that the th...

  • Small_thumb_abe8c003f48f03ae4487_good-buddy

    1040 Good Buddy
    by John Christmann
    April 15, 2013

    I owe HOW much? This is the way I usually greet my tax accountant who I see once a year.  Sometimes I even say hello before I...

  • Small_thumb_c198395d8e4d598567ba_i-am-not-a-foodie

    We Are What We Eat
    by John Christmann
    March 28, 2013

    Let me just say right off the bat that I love food.  The more the better.  Especially greasy, salty, spicy foods that are no...

  • Small_thumb_d9c1390937cc374abaf4_brain-on-teenagers

    This is Your Brain on Teenagers
    by John Christmann
    March 7, 2013

    I have three.  For several years I had one.  Then, just like that, on a birthday, I had three.   I am talking ...