The Alternative Press
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Showing articles in Main Street Musings
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The Wasp Woman
July 19, 2012Ah, glorious summer, the kind that brings lazy afternoons, sunshine, and ground wasps that take up permanent residence near ...
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Look Before You Leap: A Splash of Satire
July 6, 2012Summer is for swimming, and when it’s time to take the plunge there’s a lot to consider: Cost, location, size, publi...
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Somewhere Over the Rainbow-Stuffed Oreo
July 2, 2012What’s rainbow colored and takes a licking? Oreo’s rainbow-stuffed cookie. Kraft posted a gay pride rainbow-colored Or...
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What Type of Bathing Suit is Right for My Body, Bikini or No-kini Atoll?
June 26, 2012A great prophet named Oprah once said, “Sometimes the best way to dream big is to think small.” Her philosophy helps...
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Fifty Shades of Pizza: A Sexy Satire
June 19, 2012When I was young, before Netflix and computers, Saturday nights meant curling up on the sofa dressed in footed pajamas, ordering in Do...
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Dialog In the Dark
June 12, 2012Last Friday afternoon in New York City, something terrifying happened. I lost my vision. I was walking through Central Park on...
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Loyalty to Job or Loyalty to Family?
June 4, 2012Recently laid up with a bad case of the flu, shivering under a mountain of blankets, my body aching, I yearned for Mom. Even at ...
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Which Came First, the Chicken or the Egg?
May 28, 2012A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg is frowning, irr...
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How to Bake a Chicken Without Flipping the Bird
May 22, 2012As the descendent of an old world Russian Jewish grandmother who spent more time preparing a chicken than I spent preparing for my wed...
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Why Did the Camel Cross the Road?
May 15, 2012Last summer my family took a trip to Israel. After my visit to one of the holiest, most magnificent and diverse destinations in ...
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If It’s Asparagus, Why Does My Pee Smell Like Cabbage?
May 7, 2012Nobody tells you. It’s something you have to learn for yourself, the same way girls learn to pee sitting down and boys learn to ...
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From Tooth Fairy to Truth Fairy
April 30, 2012If you were at a party and someone told you that a winged creature in tights would fly to your house during the night and deliver mone...
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Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop: The Meat and Potatoes (And the Chocolate Cake)
April 23, 2012I arrived home from The 2012 Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop in Dayton, Ohio a little wiser, a little happier, and...
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Just Shoot Me
April 16, 2012Photo shoots are generally reserved for those who model, act or willingly take off their clothes for poses most people would only stri...
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Dog Walking: A New Religion
April 9, 2012Dog walking can be a religious experience. It’s got all the elements—dogma, movements and prophets. Each morning I har...
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Confessions of a Mallomar Maniac
April 2, 2012February 1, 2012 Dear Nabisco, I am a Mallomar maniac. I can’t get enough of that luscious graham cracker circle covered...
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Ten Reasons Why I Love My Husband
March 26, 2012After twenty years of marriage, I still love my husband. Here are ten reasons why: 1. He shares three kids with m...
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Growing Pains
March 19, 2012There’s only one thing harder than raising a child, and that’s raising a teenager. You’re suddenly faced with ...
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Bracing for My Blind Date
March 12, 2012Last Saturday I went on a blind date, something I hadn’t done since college when my date Mike brought along his dog Bandit ...
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I Don’t Dig Earworms
March 5, 2012Some melodies are hard to shake. They can lodge in your brain as relentlessly as the accelerator on a Toyota. We’ve all experien...
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Pinterest— It’s Sexy and You Know It
February 27, 2012There’s a new brand of social media and it’s spreading faster than legs on a Playboy model. It’s a photo-sharing...
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Age is Just a Number
February 20, 2012As a mother of three, my days are normally consumed by the three “S”’s—schlepping, schlepping, and more schlep...
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Facebook Addiction?
February 13, 2012I’ve finally discovered, through Facebook, a great way to find old friends, schedule events, play games, and send virtual gifts,...
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Geocaching: Free Entertainment That Comes at a Price
February 11, 2012If you have a strong sense of adventure and enjoy outdoor activities like hiking, rock climbing and sweeping landmines, you’ll l...
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Got Blood?
January 30, 2012I like to think of myself as a generous person willing to give of myself, whether of my money, time, or bodily fluids. Twice a yea...